hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
