Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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