OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
