I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
