Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
