dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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