im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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