it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
