Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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