Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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