party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize