I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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