If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
