yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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