Non-Jews are for practice
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
