Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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