I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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