Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
