You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
