so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
