Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
