i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
