I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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