either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
