the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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