this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
