I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
