you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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