i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
