First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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