it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
