go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
In America we eat man semen.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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