Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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