I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sarcasm needs its own font
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
