Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
