I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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