No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
pop tarts are not kleenex
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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