I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
