I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
