God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
40s are totally the cure
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
