i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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