dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
