My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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