I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
