I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
