I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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