get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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