There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
