It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
