That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
