The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
