Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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