okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
