I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Randomize
