At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
