Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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