Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
