I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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