I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
