wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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