You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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