I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
