I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
