3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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