enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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