I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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