dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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