Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In other news, I just burned my penis
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize