get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
