you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
