Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
