'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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