I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm at about main and main street
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That accounts for only three of the penises
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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