my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
