i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
