Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
